Thursday, September 9, 2010

A Post With Many Titles

There's so much I want to put out into blog land tonight so forgive the rambling and I'll name each subject as I go.

First off, LLCC Day 10

Breakfast: About 210 calories


Lunch: About 300 Calories
Peanut butter sandwich
Chicken noodle soup (sick food - it was so wonderfully comforting)

Dinner: About 175 Calories
6 Shrimp

Snacks: About 230 Calories
100 calorie popcorn
Pudding cup

I still have 230 calories to use up tonight so I'm still pondering how to use them. No exercise (not even a walk) today because I'm trying to heal. Instead, I took a 2 hour nap with Max. I wonder if resting burns calories? Hmm....
On a different note I almost decided not to blog about this anymore. It must be terribly boring for my 18 followers - haha. Anyway, I was going to stop writing about it daily but then I had a HORRIBLE day and was really triggered to eat horrible food. I thought, well, I'll just work in a candy bar or a brownie, etc... but then I knew I'd be writing about it and honestly didn't want to have to confess to eating like crap. So, I guess there are perks with having a check-in system. I know all 18 of you (it may not even be that many - but at least 3 of you I think!!) will read about it and I don't want to admit to messing up. I WANT to succeed at least for 30 days and then take it from there. So, sorry. You'll continue to be bored with my daily logging because it's working for me!

On Life:

Let me preface this portion of my rambling by saying just how much I love my life. I feel so incredibly lucky to have the things I do. A healthy, wonderful family, Ritchie's job that (sort of) allows me to stay home with Max, my irreplaceable friends and extended family who support and love me despite my many, many flaws. I have it made, really. And I know that.

Okay, that said, I have been feeling just so... down. I don't know why. Ritchie's been working late and Max hasn't been 100% so he's clingy and I haven't been feeling well so I just want to rest. I'm lonely. When Ritchie works late loneliness hits me pretty hard. The irreplaceable friends I mentioned earlier live far far away and while I love them and talk with them practically daily I don't have anyone here to spend time with. To make matters worse I recently sort of fell out of a group of ladies that I was spending some time with for play dates. Nothing happened, but it just wasn't a right fit for me and I withdrew which I think has offended them and now it's very awkward and furthers my feelings of loneliness. I'm not a social butterfly. I'm also not an acquaintance kind of gal. I never have been. I tend to have a few, close friends who know EVERYTHING about me. When I give my friendship, I give it all - maybe more than they want ;) I'm a total clinger. Some people like that, and others don't. I know true friendships don't just appear out of know where; they have to be established from simpler relationships. I get all of that. I know I'm going to have to work at finding some friends locally. But I need that.

So, while I love being a stay at home mom and wouldn't trade it for the entire world, I guess I'm realizing the struggles that come with it and learning how to overcome them.

* as I finished typing this and am waiting for some photos to import, I'm watching the news and hearing of the San Bruno fire where many families have lost homes and are awaiting to hear about injuries or fatalities of families, neighbors, and friends. My heart is breaking and I am feeling so selfish to even think negatively about my life. We are so blessed to be together, safe and happy as a family. My heart goes out to the San Bruno families and victims of the fire. You're in my prayers.

Fall Creeps In...

While Max and I hunker down at home in this cooler weather and try to get some much needed rest from being sick, I'm so happy that fall has managed to sneak it's way into our house. Filling my heart and making the home warmer, cozier, and happier.

So, there you have it. The post with many titles. Happy (almost) Friday and Fall to all of you! Please send out some prayers for the San Bruno families.

1 comment:

Tracy said...

Hey Chica, I am sorry that you have been in a bit of a funk lately. I feel you on the friendship thing . . . I think that as we get older (I think I have a few more years on you - I am going on 36) it gets a little harder to connect and establish more intimate friendships. I find that I am so busy with work and mommyhood that it is challenging to make time for me and for connecting with other women. I think this is part of having a young child too, and think (hope) that as our babies get older that we will have more flexibility to reconnect (or newly connect) with others in our lives.

Your home looks beautiful, btw!

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