Pregnancy Brain Dump

This is the last pregnancy post I'll do. I never plan to be pregnant again (only this time measures are being taken to be MUCH more certain that this statement is accurate) and this baby is coming out for sure in the next few days.

*Sigh* According to my last period, I'm 42 weeks pregnant tomorrow. Somewhere early in pregnancy, we chose to use a "due date" of March 13 instead of March 20 (there were a few contradictory ultrasounds) and therefore I began the journey of becoming more and more pregnant and mentally ready for a 3rd baby to be here around the 20. I chose a week past my given due date because Ben was a week late, so I just figured it was safer to give this baby a full extra week.

And, here we sit on the eve of March 27. 7 full days later than the mental due date I had for myself. 2 full weeks after my given due date, but potentially only 1 full week late. It's SUCH a mental game, isn't it? I thought I was being GENEROUS to this child by mentally preparing myself for the 20th. I really wasn't mentally prepared to still be pregnant right now. And, being mentally prepared means SO much.  In any case, this little bugger is taking a super long time to find the exit sign in there and I'm tempted to stick a flashlight up there and give him a little guidance...

So, here I sit. 41 or 42 weeks or somewhere in between. Large, uncomfortable, in pain every day, unable to sleep well or bend over. I've become the third child that Ritchie has to put shoes on in the morning. I'm REALLY trying to be positive and it comes in waves. Sometimes, I'm all - YES! Pregnancy, let the baby be, he'll come when he's ready, enjoy these last few days, pay special attention to Max and Ben, etc etc... but I'd say, at this point, about 98% of my time is spent obsessing over is the baby coming, is that a contraction, ooh there's another one, FUCK they stopped, shit labor really hurts - is there any way out of this now? WHY HASN'T HE COME OUT YET?! None of these thoughts are pleasant or productive, please know that I know that.

So... my midwife group here (well, the ONE midwife that I actually like and managed to snag an appointment with on Monday - which, for journaling purposes, I was checked and was 2cm and 50-60% effaced and baby was low) was totally fine with me going all the way up to "42" weeks and was happy to even let me pick a middle ground since we're unsure of the actual due date. Friday morning isn't exactly a middle ground, but I chose it because it works for everyone's schedule (and, hey, if you're going to PLAN your damn birth you may as well make it convenient, right?) and because she would be there to help me figure out my induction plan based on my cervical readiness/baby's position that morning. I really trust her the most out of everyone I've met, so Friday it is.

So, here's the thing. We did a home birth with Bennett. I totally and completely believe that babies come when they're ready and that inductions that aren't medically necessary (and those that are, frankly) often lead to even more interventions and ultimately result in more c-sections. These are my own personal thoughts and I believe every woman has a right to think/feel the way she'd like to about birth and her own experiences. Want a c-section? Go for it! Want to pick every child's birthday and be induced so you can control when they come? By all means! Want to push your baby out with a midwife in a field of daisies under the moon? I hope that works out for you!! I seriously see the pros and cons of ALL of these scenarios and believe, if possible, that a woman should get to choose.

For me, I'm more the daisies under the moon route. We couldn't afford a home birth this time. It totally sucks. Hospitals give you that deadline. I'm up against that deadline now. I'm feeling super sad about that. I wish with all my might that he'll come on his own tonight or tomorrow or tomorrow night or even start up labor like 20 minutes before we're scheduled to go into the hospital. I'd give ANYTHING for that to happen. However, I'm really trying to prepare myself for that not happening. I'm trying to remember that every baby is different and every pregnancy is different and maybe this little turd needs a jump start. It happens, I know. I'm trying very hard not to feel like a failure in what is my final pregnancy and birth.

And, because this was ridiculously long winded and full of swears and basically me whining the whole time, I thought I'd share with you how jacked up my brain is right now by telling you two funny things.  Sort of like a bonus for reading all of this crap.

1. Max and Ben's preschool called on Monday morning at like 6:30am to let me know it was canceled for the day. The area code was a WA area code and I swear to you, in my sleepy haze, I got super excited and thought it was the hospital calling me to tell me that I was in labor. I was unbelievably excited.

2. There's a sign on the path to preschool (which I drive 8 times a week) that says something about contractors and EVERY time I think it says CONTRACTIONS and I think... contractions?! Am I having contractions?!

It's all pretty ridiculous.

The Last Nursery

Back when we began the adoption process, I started planning a space for a little girl. It was all pinks and whites and golds. Once we found out that this darling babe was indeed another BOY we began to wonder what to do with our extra space. Adoption is tricky in that we weren't (still aren't!) sure of timing. We weren't sure if she'd be home when this baby was still young enough to be in our room... did we even need a nursery?

Anyway, long story... but basically when we moved to Washington we also found out that baby girl Lincoln probably wouldn't be home until closer to Finn's first birthday. And so we decided to give this little dude a nursery all his own. I think putting a space together for him helped me to bond a bit more. This is by far my favorite space I've created for the kids yet (and I really love the boys' room too, so that's saying a lot!) Here are a few pictures of the space!













So much of the room is "repurposed". The crib was actually picked up for our daughter a long time ago used and for a steal! The dresser is from Max's nursery over 4 years ago now. The rocking chair was the one thing I bought after finding out I was pregnant. I wanted a comfy place to nurse at night that still was charming and had character.

Many of the little elements, like the gumball machine, book (another one is on the way!), goat stuffed animal, star, toys, chair pillow etc were all things we had lying around that I had used in other spaces. Even the fox canvas that I painted for him was a canvas left over from another project. I just had to buy a few colors of paint.

The bedding and crib pillows are Land of Nod. Same with the changing pad cover and floor basket. The curtains are ikea and Ritchie built the shelf and I painted it.









And, while this little guy might have his own space, I'm sure he'll never be alone....





His brothers like to hang out in there, so he'll always have company :)

Hello, Due Date

Well, hello, due date. It's not surprising that you're here and that I shall remain pregnant past you. That's cool, I didn't want a baby born on the 13th anyway...



40 weeks have come and gone. We're all anxiously awaiting this little bundle's arrival. This pregnancy has felt so... different than the others. Nausea, acne, heartburn and acid reflux, etc. The works! I've tried really hard to enjoy this last pregnancy of mine.



Every wiggle, every hiccup. I'm savoring them. Especially the last few days (weeks??) of them. This pregnancy has been more challenging to enjoy with two littles running around, adoption paperwork to keep up on and a move across several states in the third trimester. Slowing down these past few weeks and trying to really enjoy being pregnant has been really good for me.



But, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't ready. Ready for my last infant. Ready to snuggle and nurse and swaddle and swoon. Ready for my boys to meet their brother. Ready to get to know the littlest Lincoln.



So, we're ready for you, sweet boy. Ready when you are.

And, a few bonus pictures that Max took. Because they're really funny.

Max at 4 1/2

Age four is really the best. I guess I feel that way about ALL of the ages and they each come with their advantages and disadvantages for sure, but for US, age 4 is where it's at.

Max has come into his own SO much recently. He stands up for himself and really seems to know what he wants. We used to think he might be a kid that could be easily swayed into doing what others around him were doing, but not anymore. He plays what he wants and encourages others to join him. If they won't, he just keeps doing what he wants. We've REALLY seen the leap over the past 6 months into playing WITH others as opposed to just playing NEAR others. We're so thrilled with his social growth over the past few months because he's always worried us a little with being shy or "a clinger" as I called him (not to his face, obviously).

One thing that hasn't changed is that he seems to be a kid that becomes super into something and then can leave almost everything else behind. Much to my sadness, he seems to have lost interest in music and traded it for an interest in bow and arrow shooting. He would like to have a "bow and arrow" (usually a hanger or a stick or a fishing pole toy that we have that becomes a bow) with him at all times. He likes to pretend to be Merida from the movie "Brave" and shoot bows and arrows like she does. He's also really into the ipad for his daily quiet time and plays "Temple Run" which is simply a running game. He collects coins and runs from monkeys or bears or whatever happens to be chasing him. He LOVES running for real also and goes on runs with Ritchie or just runs circles in our backyard. We're happy to see him enjoying something physical! Lastly, he's very into telling time right now as well. More digitally than anything, but he also harbors a strong curiosity for the clock and learning what the numbers stand for and when. I never realized what a tricky concept the clock is! He's wowing us with his memory and knowledge each day.

Oh, and puzzles! He also likes to do puzzles now!

While Max at 4 has become a tad "sassy" or "talks back" more than he ever used to, he's still pretty much the sweetest kid I know. He's much less into snuggles, so I take them when I can and soak them in. I think his love language is time. He wants to be by me a lot still and will talk my ear off (mostly about the ipad and Temple Run) It's exhausting, but I'm so grateful that he wants my attention and wants to share his interests with me.

He's so excited to meet his baby brother soon and we know he's going to be amazing because we've seen him be a brother to Bennett. Kind, calm and always wanting to help Ben learn, he's a better teacher than we are sometimes! I can't wait to see where the rest of this year takes Max. We just love that kid to bits.