Saturday, December 12, 2009

I'm Working On It

Since having Maxton I have changed. Duh, right? But seriously, I have become a completely different person that resides in my old (slightly flabbier and stretch mark covered) body. I am on two ends of the spectrum. I am this fierce, protective mommy. My husband calls me, "Mama Bear" as I hover around anyone who messes with ( AKA holds) MY baby and dares to do it "wrong". I give a look of the highest warning to those who want to touch MY baby and infest them with their germs. I think the world should revolve around his eating and sleeping schedule and then completely stop when he smiles. I cry at the thought of leaving him in daycare even though I will be in the same building and will see him every 2 hours.

On the other end of the spectrum, I am filled with a calm and inner peace I never knew possible. Nothing else matters. I don't need to have anxiety about anything because HE needs me to be calm for him. All he needs is love and my milk - both of which I gladly provide. So I lay around most days smiling and cooing at him and then nursing him. We have a love affair, Max and I. I feel more at peace than I ever have in my life.

Now to find the balance. To be at peace when others hold him, while he's being cared for by others because I must work. To let my own family hold him and share in his magic without "Mama Bear" hovering...

I'm working on it.

3 comments:

Patrick and Kimberly Gillette said...

You're doing an amazing job.

Tammy Warta said...

Just the fact you are aware of this means you are not being totally obnoxious so good job, mama!

Geoff and McCaulie said...

This is beautiful. Like Ritchie did, Max has changed you for the better. You're a stronger, calmer and even more amazing person. If you want to find the common ground you will because as long as I have known you - whenever you set your mind to something you succeed!!

miss you.

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